My heart ached at the idea that he could be so nugatory. Yes. Trifling is the least of the words I could use. His mannerisms and his foolish assumptions lead me to the mercy seat of Christ. His abandonment led me to stronger covenant with the One I am with. I dangled before a King who was looking for all of me. Some of me was still far away. He had a piece of my mind. I had no peace of mind. He had a piece of my heart. My heart was in pieces. He knew that I wasn’t like the others. He knew that my love was real. Pure. Loyal. Worthy. Yet he continued with the ambiguous thoughts that I was no different. Tuh. Shame on him for his belief system.
Expletives filled my mind, which reminded me I needed to die a little bit more. Dangerous self-doubt was flowing through my veins. Was I not good enough? Was I not curvasious enough? Did I not try hard enough? Enough! Too many words chased down my emotional being and beat her with self-loathing. Loving myself would have been good enough. Believing in myself was what I needed. It wasn’t him. It was Him. I bought into his mind games and played along. Why did I waste my time on someone who seemingly was mentally unstable? He never rectified his actions with an apology. He lied continuously, relying on my nonchalant response. I bet he didn’t know that I really didn’t care. I simply played along. I marched to the beat of my own drum while my chameleon instincts coerced him to believed that I was in the moment with him. Play the game and you will get played..every time. This time, it was him getting played and me getting my power back. Sick? Yes. Twisted? A little. Saved? I’m still with Him..growing..changing. It was good for me that I had experienced this with him. It was good for me that I had been afflicted.